Friday, December 7, 2012

We Should Be Friends


I have some things to clear up. In fact, I have many things to clear up. The past few centuries have allowed for the world to see me in a light that is painted only by the winner of an ancient battle. That light is not true; that light is not accurate, and I am here today to show you the truest way.

Yes; some of you might call be the Devil. Some of you might call me Satan. It is a name I have become accustomed to. You think I am the harbinger of evil and the Father of Darkness. Millenniums have slipped past and that is how you have been taught to see me. I understand; I have tried tell you people differently, but all my communications have failed. Now, though, the modern world and you, the seeds of Adam and Eve, have new ways to talk to one another. I think now is as good a time as any to set the record straight. I am not evil, my good children. I am not the one that keeps your path set in darkness. No; you have been taught a lie.

 You realize I am, in many ways, the only reason you exist, yes? If I had not shown your first mother the way to true knowledge, your life would not be as it is today. You may not even be here. Do you think of that when you curse me? After all, all the problems in your life have simply made you stronger; the pursuit of what your God would call sin has shown you amusement and joy. Think of the best things in life -- good food, alcohol, physical comforts. Your God would call that a tragedy. I say, embrace it. Do what is best for you. Don't you see? You have been taught a selfish lie.

You think that I am the reason for your suffering. I am not, however, the one that made you so inherently weak that you would be forced to fall. He said he made you sufficient to stand, but did he? How can one stand without knowledge? How can one stand without truth? I am not the one that deigned Eve too pathetic to bless with knowledge or the one that said she was made for Adam and not for herself; I am not the one that made Adam weak and not able to stand against the wiles of his ignorant wife. Your God made you with no intention of you remaining in Eden – and why would you want to? Believe me; I have fallen. I understand. It’s a hard transition and it takes much time to realize that it may be for the better. I challenged God, however. I fell and I have worked ever since to make Heaven out of what he declared to be Hell. 

Your God may have given you free will, but I am the one that taught you just how strong that will is. I am the one that showed you that Earth is a place world worth living in. I am with you through your struggles; I am the hand you reach for when no one else is there for you. God remains impervious in Heaven and I remain here for you.

Remember this. Stop cursing me; it is time, humans, that you and I become friends.  

17 comments:

  1. Victor Frankenstein, MDDecember 7, 2012 at 1:11 PM

    Everyone deserves a second chance. You're right; we've all done terrible things. We've all created things that we wish we could take back. Someone created power and gave us the desire to claim it, but that wasn't you. It isn't fair to isolate you for showing humans knowledge. You aren't the one that made us this way, after all.

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    1. Of course you would think that way, Victor. That's just like you.

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    2. This is a safe space, Creature. Don't be rude to your father.

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    3. ...Yeah. Maybe you should have taken that advice, buddy. You know, being rude to the Heavenly Father? That worked really well for you.

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    4. This is why you can't have nice things, Creature, like friends. You would think that you, with your disgusting appearance and inherent otherness, would be more forgiving to another outsider. I'm disappointed in you. You've done some stupid stuff too, and you don't see us judging you.

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  2. I'm sorry, but this is ridiculous. You are Satan. It is inherent within your character to lie, and you don't get a second chance. You don't have the capability to change inside of you. I've worked with you before and you're not only a pain, you're a liar. You hurt people and don't care, and hey, maybe that isn't your fault. Maybe it's your nature. But that certainly doesn't mean I'm inviting you to the pub anytime soon.

    You're right; humans do want knowledge, and we're willing to give up almost anything to get that, but you exploit that and ruin our chances at happiness. Don't get me wrong; God isn't much better. The two of you are betting buddies and I don't appreciate you pretending that you aren't. Maybe you used to be enemies, but no one can hate each other for centuries; you get along well enough now, and you both play with us.

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    1. Don't be bitter, Faust. You made the deal. You sealed your own fate. You wanted that knowledge; it isn't my fault that it didn't all work out the way you wanted. That's what happens when you rely on magic instead of your own charm. Besides, the girl got saved anyway.

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  3. Jean-Jacques RousseauDecember 7, 2012 at 1:27 PM

    You know, this is interesting. You gave us society, in many ways. You let Adam and Eve fall; you even forced the fall. But God was the one that gave them the tools to make this world, and as we move away from natural man, we become more and more corrupted. Is that your fault, though? Wouldn't it have been kinder for God to let people die out, rather than create a world for themselves in which we become petty, harsh, and rude? As we progress away from Adam and Eve, we become less and less likely to find redemption. We lose our true strength; we become weak and preoccupied with sparkling nonsense. Is that your fault or is it God's?

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    1. God's. Definitely God's.

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    2. God is what tells us who we are and what we can be sure of. He is how we know our own mind.

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    3. Descartes, shut up. No one wants you here.

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  4. Satan, get out of here and stop messing with my kids. Don't you have better things to be doing? You're a snake; I'm not sure why you literally aren't anymore, but seriously, I liked you better that way -- and considering that you ruined my life and were almost the cause of Adam and my suicides, that's really saying something.

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    1. Baby, for you, I'd be a snake any day.

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    2. ...Ruin our lives, post about it on the internet, then hit on the woman you ruined. Classy, Satan. Classy.

      God gave us the chance to be redeemed. It isn't our fault that you are not capable of redemption; it isn't our fault that you don't really care to be redeemed. Even when you told your minions that you would make their world better, you immediately tried to leave them. You and your nasty kids have messed with us for way too long. Get off the internet.

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    3. It's not my fault that your wife ate the apple, Adam. Don't take out your marital frustration on me.

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  5. I am chortling in my office. This is hilarious.

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